Replacing misunderstanding with listening

Have you ever been misunderstood by someone? I mean totally misunderstood….so much so that

your entire being wants to shout: “No! You have not heard me at all! Let me just explain …”

When we are not given the opportunity to explain ourselves, it usually leaves a very bad taste in our

mouths. We can feel very restless and dissatisfied until we have rectified the misunderstanding and

feel truly “heard” by the other party. It is typically human to want to feel heard and understood by

important people in our lives.

Conversations between believers and non-believers can lead to acute and bitter misunderstandings.

When I viewed the documentary film “The Unbelievers”- in which two atheists, Richard Dawkins and

Laurence Crouse participated in a world tour in an attempt to “convert” thousands of people to their

cause- and heard them claim that the world no longer needs God because science can explain

almost anything, I feel like shouting out my frustration!

I would like to have the opportunity to explain them that God is Lord over the explicable as well as

the inexplicable and that this “new” knowledge that has been discovered is not the enemy of faith. It

drives me crazy that these educated men clearly do not understand this.

When I hear that non-believers claim that Christians are heartless due to the fact that they claim

Christ as the only path that leads the God, I yearn for the opportunity to explain that Jesus’

statement proclaiming Himself as the Way, the Truth and the Life is in fact a loving invitation to

everyone. It should not be viewed as the condemnatory utterance that some Christians make it

sound like. It would seem like this subgroup of atheists do not bother to examine the nature and the

content of the religion that they spurn.

Unfortunately, I have to admit that Christians do not fare any better in understanding the position of

the non-believers. James gives excellent advice concerning the elimination of misunderstandings

and the creation of meaningful dialogue between groups that differ in opinions.

He states (in James 1:19):

“ My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to

speak and slow to become angry..."

When we apply this principle to a conversation between believers and non-believers, James would

certainly encourage us to listen carefully before we open our mouths. Listening implies an eager

willingness to understand the other person’s point of view and position. Christians must make sure

that they truly understand what non-believers are thinking and how and why these beliefs are

formed. Assumptions and superficial statements should be avoided at all costs. When a Christian for

instance states that he will never believe in evolution until he sees a gorilla giving birth to a human

being, he not only displays a tragic misconception regarding the evolution theory but also a total

disability to truly listen to such a person. These comments lead to reactions of frustration and

exasperation that is totally counter-productive.

James’s advice in this case: you have not listened long or hard enough. Try again!

When a sceptic refuses to follow Christ because he claims that Jesus cannot be the “only way” to

God, there is often more behind the statement than meets the eye. It would be unjust and short-

sighted to jump to the conclusion that this person is merely stubborn or spiteful. When we listen with compassion and open –mindedness, we will realise that these individuals often have a sincereyearning or a deep concern about the fair treatment of all people, especially those who have never heard of Christ or the gospel. When we, as Christians, impulsively and hastily react with “BUT Jesus is the only way!” or “People without Christ are on their way to hell…”, we may be thinking that we are standing up for Christ. Our words and the accompanying body language, may however have exactly the opposite effect. We may create the impression that we don’t care what happens to people who live and die without knowing Christ. We may repel people from Christ rather than attracting them to Him.

Francis Schaeffer was arguably one of the most effective evangelists of the previous century. Despite the fact that he was no Billy Graham, who appeared before stadiums filled with people, he made a huge impact on intellectual sceptics in Europe. He invited people to live with him and his wife for a few months at a time. During this period, he would listen attentively to their questions and concerns and would gently lead them to new insights and into a relationship with Jesus. It was said that when he engaged with a non-believer, that he focussed all his attention on the individual and listened vigilantly to every word that was spoken. He stood in their shoes and tried to understand where they were coming from. He read between the lines. People who were lead to Christ by him, reported that they felt that when they spoke to him, they felt that he listened to them as if they were the only persons in the world.

May non-believers (and other people) testify that about us too. “Nobody would listen, except these

Jesus-followers. They listened until they understood what I was trying to say, until they heard my

heart.”